Galateo: Or, The Rules of Polite Behavior by Giovanni Della Casa M. F. Rusnak & M. F. Rusnak

Author:Giovanni Della Casa, M. F. Rusnak & M. F. Rusnak [Della Casa, Giovanni]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: University of Chicago Press
Published: 2013-12-12T05:00:00+00:00

18

Other spoken sources of annoyance: slander, contradiction, reprimanding, etc.

One should not speak ill either of other men or of their affairs, even if it’s clear that we gladly lend an ear to such talk, envious as we are of others’ possessions and honor. But in the end everyone flees the charging bull, and men eschew the friendship of those bad-mouthers, figuring that what they tell us of others they could also tell others of us. And those who contradict every word and always question and dispute show how little they know of the nature of men, that everyone loves victory and hates being defeated in discussion as well as in action: it goes without saying that contradicting others is the work of enmity, not of friendship. For this reason whoever loves being friendly and sweet in conversation must not have a ready “It’s not like that” or “Say what you like, but I am right about this,” nor place bets on every trifle. Instead, he must make an effort to be conciliatory to others in those matters that are of little account. Victory in such cases turns to our detriment, for in winning a point in a frivolous debate he will often lose some cherished friend; he becomes so maddening to others that they dare not try to stay on friendly terms, so as to escape constant squabbling. And they nickname such ones “Mister Know-it-all,” or “Sir Counterpoint,” or “Sir Expert,” and in old times “the Subtle Doctor.”39 Although it may sometimes happen that one is invited into disputes by these types, one must engage sweetly and without that thirst for the sweetness of victory that will make the other man choke. Instead, it is proper to let everyone play his part and, whether the opponent is right or wrong, to abide by the majority opinion or by the more importunate, and then leave the field of battle to them, so that others and not you will be the ones to debate, sweat, and get worn out. These are unseemly occupations not suited to well-behaved men, and so procure hatred and dislike. Furthermore, such men are unpleasant because they are unseemly and thus an annoyance to those with well-disposed minds, as I might explore a little later on. Most people, however, are so infatuated with themselves that they overlook other people’s pleasures; and in order to show themselves to be subtle, intuitive, and sagacious, they will advise, and correct, and argue, and contradict vigorously, not agreeing with anything except their own opinions. To offer your advice without having been asked is nothing else but a way of saying that you are wiser than those you are giving advice, and even a reproof for their ignorance and lack of knowledge. For this reason, this should not be done with everyone you know, but only with your best and closest friends and with people who depend on your guidance, or with a stranger who happens to be in great and imminent danger.

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